Page 43 of 50. Don't invest! A parody

Stay out of it!

Don't invest in the stuff. You can't eat silver or gold. Buy other stuff.

Buy into the stock market. Buy Apple or something. Avoid precious metals.
Buy rare art, jewelry - avoid precious metals.

Silver is bad. Paper is good. Get hold of some hundred-dollar bills and store them in your mattress.

You can earmark your cash for things like this!
Or place your money in a savings account. You can get interest every year and that "money" will grow. You can get 1.05% at Ally Bank today! Go for it. No minimum amount needed. So put two-hundred dollars in there! In just ten years you will have $222.00. Not bad. After paying taxes you will have made over ten dollars. Unless, of course, the government seizes the account for whatever reason - which they can do. Anyhow, don't worry about that problem. Go for it. Just don't buy silver or gold. You can't eat silver remember!

Silver - bad. Paper - good.

In ten years the value of silver could go to zero (couldn't it?). So avoid silver, it always fails and goes to its intrinsic value of zero.

Can't eat dat'.
Invest in the banks.

Put all your hard earned money in one of these. They love you and will take good care of it for you.
Bankers never take advantage of the people. They share everything with the people. Look how poorly they pay themselves! They are for the people. Never greedy. Never on big payrolls. The average banker probably makes about what you do, so they are on your side - aren't they?

Oops! Wrong picture!
Here is the picture I tried to download showing how impoverished those poor bankers are while they are trying their best to share the wealth with us. This shows how bankers don't have it nearly as good as we do. How do they even know what time it is where they travel for example?

Imagine the work involved in just telling time as a banker. This Patek Philippe Sky Moon Tourbillon
(Price: $1.3 million) helps, but it is still a constant problem for them every day!
Yikes! The horrors of helping the people with their money. But, somehow they manage to keep up with it, and keep that interest of 1.05% "pouring" into our accounts. 

Life is tough for those dedicated professionals. You have it so much easier on a daily basis than the average banker. Here is another example, just imagine all the work that would be needed just to clean this entrance way of your home! You and I are so lucky these bankers have time to do those menial tasks and yet still manage somehow to keep up that 1.05%. Praise the bankers!

No fun scrubbing this every day!

So, as I said, keep putting your hard earned money into those banks. They are safe and insured - unlike silver stashed away. Reap the interest! Trust the banks to keep helping the people, like they have been doing all along. They are just like us - except they travel a little more, and buy watches that cost a little more, but have all that cleaning of those big homes to do. Otherwise, they're just like "we the people". 

Aren't they ?

Another hard day at the office deserves a little R&R.
How's YOUR polo game going these days? What? You don't play! Hey, take that ten-dollars you earned above on the two-hundred dollar investment and buy a few horses, get lessons, join the club and learn to ride baby ride! I'm sure a banker or two will be glad to give you some lessons in the game - after cleaning that entrance way. They are, after all, for the people!

NEVER TAKE MY INVESTMENT ADVICE! 
Consult the professionals